I recently responded to a handshake question posted on linkedin. The woman asked if it was rude for a man to wait for an extended hand before offering a handshake to a woman. Her opinion was that every man and woman should be treated equally. I disagreed. I shared an experience my husband and I had many years ago.
My husband and I were attending a social event where several community figures were invited, and they were a wide mix of ages, ethnicities and cultures. As we rounded the room, my husband greeted each man with a handshake and if I had not met them, he introduced me. We came to a man my husband knew fairly well. He was excited to finally meet the man’s wife and to introduce me. As the man began the introduction, my husband eagerly offered his hand… but the woman didn’t respond. It was the most awkward 2-3 seconds before the man chimed in. He explained that his culture didn’t permit his wife to touch another man who was not her husband. He then extended his hand and said, “but I’ll shake your hand for her.” How perfect was his response to my husband, but still the moment was awkward. I realized, then, that it was my duty to reach out to others to give the signal that a handshake was welcomed. Looking back, I also realize that when some men chose not to shake my hand, it was for my lack of offering it and not their lack of interest.
While offering the handshake is an important step, the handshake itself is also key. I form my first impression of a person by how they shake my hand. If a man squeezes too hard, I assume he either has a giant ego or is making up for some inadequacy. If a woman squeezes too hard, she appears over-aggressive or power hungry. If a man or woman shakes like a limp noodle, I make a mental note that their spouse must make all the important decisions.
If you’re planning to shake someone’s hand, consider these suggestions:
- Follow the “woman should offer first” rule to respect cultures.
- Don’t wear multiple rings on the right hand. They pinch!
- Don’t lotion up just before entering a building. Nobody knows that’s lotion
- If you’re sick don’t offer your hand, and explain you don’t want to get others sick.
- Don’t touch your face, and don’t cough or sneeze into your hand and then shake hands.
- Save the cheek kisses for people you know well.
Remember, a handshake is a way of reaching out and showing someone you want to be in their presence. Follow these rules and others will want to be in yours at the next gathering. So put your best hand forward and shake a leg… I mean hand.
Are you more of a kisser? Then check out this article on the proper social kiss: http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art31667.asp
