The topic of balancing work and family seems to be coming up more regularly in social media. That alone isn’t really surprising, but what is unexpected is that many of the discussions are being initiated by professionals – not just by working women, but by men, too. It seems that both men and women are on the same page when it comes to preserving family time on the way up the ladder. Especially men are asking “how do I know when I am giving my family enough of my time?” This begs the question – Are spouses not answering this question?
As a spouse, you own some of the responsibility to communicate how work and family are coexisting. Whether you’re happy or frustrated, your partner deserves feedback. Keep in mind that your partner likely receives yearly reviews to gauge how work is going. Why wouldn’t you both give each other the same courtesy at home?
You may be facing the reality that your mate can’t give you anything more right now. Have you asked if this period is temporary? Is there a timeline or goal to work toward? Do you both agree on what takes priority and how much each is willing to sacrifice? These are concerns you should be discussing regularly, before frustration builds. It’s much easier to embrace a difficult time when you know it will end. You’re also more motivated to do what it takes when you believe the end result is important. Talk about it.
Do you want someone else telling having a say about what works for your family? If not, then make an opportunity to see how you both measure up. Talk about your priorities and goals. Who knows, you might just tip the scale in your favor.
Open the discussion with a little humor… Try one of these wine suggestions:
Right Hand Man
La Muse
Head Honcho
Mommy’s Time Out
Mad Housewife
Happy Camper
The Naked Truth
Second Chance
Have you had success addressing this issue? If so, we’d like to hear from you in the form of a comment.
Excellent post, Kathi! This is extremely important. Addressing this problem can help avoid tension and resentment building up over the years. Communication is key! I sometimes find myself trying to be supportive of Hubby’s focus and workload, only to find myself drowning while trying to keep the rest of the boat afloat. I KNOW that when I put off discussing it, it builds up to be a problem. When we take the care to address work/life balance issues before our nerves are frayed, it is easy to come to a simple solution. The key is to NOT put off having that discussion!
Great topic, Kathi and you’ll not be surprised to know that getting work life balance right has been called one of the key challenges of our time for men, women and society! My colleague Jayne Jennings and I have just finished a study of women business owners and life work balance and we identified 11 key strategies of successful ‘balancers’ (those with good businesses and balance!). Communication, as you’ve pointed out, was a big one.
On the spouse side, we asked the women to rank which factor most contributed to them achieving life work balance. The choices were: a personal partner, business partner, business planning, daily schedule, the nature of their business, outsourcing non-core activities, home help or other. The most common No. 1 choice was life partner! So one take-away is to let our spouse know of their importance in helping us with the life we want–and ensure we’re reciprocating! And don’t forget to let the kids and friends also know why you are particularly busy or temporarily unavailable.
BTW, the full results of the survey are useful to any women and are available in a free e-white paper at either http://www.worklifebalancesuccess.com or the original survey site of http://www.newnorma.com.
Excellent post. You are right- communication is key. I’d add that communication about the “state of balance” should be regular. Financial experts suggest that couples have a finance talk monthly. Why not have a regularly scheduled balance talk too? A monthly talk may be too much, but perhaps quarterly?
Again, you’ve hit it out of the park. Boy, do I struggle with this and right now my wife AND kids are NOT happy with my lack of balance. Between learning to Tweet, writing my book proposal, building my Facebook fan page (http://bit.ly/BJsFBpage) with twice daily posts and regular moderating, and writing my weekly column and weekly blog, working out 5-6 days a week, mentoring the two kids I mentor, walking my 3 dogs, and going weekly to my men’s group, I have plenty of balance in my life. Wait, my cell is ringing…hang on….
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Bruce Sallan. Bruce Sallan said: RT New blog post: Life Work Balance-When Your Spouse Doesn’t Get It http://bit.ly/cLHOsN – I love this writer! What a great evergreen topic! [...]