“Drama” has become a common term to describe stressful experiences, conflicts, and distractions that can paralyze our progress and sabotage our families. Far too often we embrace stressful experiences as “larger than life itself.” Instead of acting in a purely rational, diplomatic and loving manner, we resort to explosive tyrants, monthly meltdowns, or vows of silence as the “emotion of choice” and best solution (next to applying physical harm) at any given moment. I actually find the monthly meltdown quite refreshing, and it scares the heck out of my family who is convinced that I have “lost it” for real, every time. Nevertheless, as a Certified Life Coach I have come to realize that there are in fact better ways to handle and even leverage the added stress around me.
Research proves that when we carve out time (in spite of our crazy lives) to focus on our purpose and passion, the drama that surrounds us has less power. The truth is that no one is exempt from the drama of life. Individuals change over time, relationships change over time, families change over time, and careers change over time, making it very difficult (especially during seasons of transition) not to become totally absorbed in the stressful circumstances around us.
In fact, some stress is actually good for us, even necessary for personal growth to take place.
Top athletes stress their muscles to become physically stronger. It’s a process that requires much discipline and perseverance that can be downright tiresome and even painful at times, but it produces great results. However, while some stress is required for optimal results, too much stress can render an athlete injured and ineffective.
Despite your role of being everything to everybody around you, you were designed with specific gifts, talents, and abilities for a unique and specific purpose. Your purpose might be to be the best wife, mom, or homemaker ever. Your purpose might be to make a positive impact on your community, to start your own business, or to work with the elderly. Perhaps you have no idea what your purpose is, but until you begin to incorporate the things that you feel passionate about into your daily life, drama will always be a distraction. Let me encourage you that it is possible to live a life of purpose and passion in conjunction with the pressures of daily life. In fact, when you make a commitment to move toward your purpose you will find that the pressures of daily life are much easier to manage.
Using the word DRAMA as an acronym, let’s look at a practical approach to eliminating the excess stress while you are drawing closer to your purpose:
(1) Don’t be afraid
Much too often we fail to fight the stress in our lives because we are overwhelmed by fear. We get so used to the way things are we fear that positive change is unattainable or too far off. As a result, we do nothing about it. Have the courage to face your fears. Talk to those you trust to help you put things in perspective. Write or journal what you fear most, then offer yourself a suggestion or solution to deal with it, as if you are giving advice to your best friend.
(2) Realize that you can’t always be in Control
Success is hindered in two ways: when we try to control things that we have no control over, and when we don’t take control of the things we can control because we failed at trying to control stuff that we had no control over (you might need to read that a few times). STOP trying to control what you are not physically, mentally, or emotionally able to control, and let it go! Spend your energies on what matters most by concentrating on tasks where your efforts will actually make a difference.
(3) Acknowledge the warning signs of unhealthy stress
Know when you are in over your head with stress and drama, and get help: can’t concentrate, can’t sleep/sleep too much, can’t eat/eat too much, negative thinking and talking, neglect important matters.
Beware of invitations to your own pity-parties, and watch the company you keep!
Surround yourself with positive people, support groups, and get therapy if necessary
(4) Maintain your focus
Cultivate a consistent quiet time to plan your day and concentrate on your self
Meditate, pray, or engage in calming exercise on a regular basis
Eat healthy foods that stimulate your body and brain functions
Remain open to life’s unexpected interruptions; they’re normal!
Learn how to laugh at yourself
Stay true to what you believe; don’t compromise your values
(5) Always remember your purpose, while not forgetting your family role
Never lose sight of who you were meant to be
Place a “value” on your time before deciding how you spend it
Incorporate at least 1 thing that you love to do into your weekly schedule
Envision your success; practice the “feeling” of living out your passion
Talk with your family about your passion, and your need to “feed” it
Purpose and passion can only enter into your life when you are willing to be disciplined enough to make room for it. The athlete only hangs in there because she’s been in the game long enough to know that hard work and perseverance leads to success. When you attain the mindset that you are fed-up with the excess drama in your life and become desperate enough to experience a life filled with purpose and passion will you find the determination to do what it takes to “let it in.” Trust me, your family will thank you in the end!
Val Brown-Daye founded the Abiding Touch Coaching and Training Group, L.L.C. in response to her own quest for purpose & destiny. With over 10 years in ministry and 20 years of leadership experience in corporate America, this dynamic speaker, teacher, facilitator, coach and trainer demonstrates a sincere passion for people and a genuine commitment to their success.
An accomplished preacher, she has also spoken on local radio and delivered general motivational messages at numerous community and corporate events to rave reviews. Her Book, “Purpose-Driven Drama” is scheduled to be released later this year. She resides in the Charlotte NC area with her husband Brian and their teenage son Jared.
Contact: Abiding Touch Coaching & Training Group, LL
14231 Market Square Dr. #150
Huntersville, NC 28078
(702) 992-1213
www.abidingtouch.com
val@abidingtouch.com
Here here!
This has been a major issue for me lately, and I’m finally starting to get the hang of it (I hope). Nonetheless, I’m going to bookmark this so I can come back to it when I *know* I need to! We always hear about managing stress and taking care of yourself, but usually by the time we need to do it… we’re so far gone we don’t know where to start.
I really like the way you put this together, Kathi. Very informative and straight to the point. Perfect for those of us who don’t have time to read a whole book on the subject!
Oops, just realized this was written by Val Daye! All the same, thanks for sharing it Kathi
Glad you enjoyed this post, Rebecca. I’ve struggled with this in the past and was excited to see what Val had to share.