Most executives fail because of their character flaws, not their lack of talent. Leaders can possess impressive skills, but if they offend the people around them, they’re as ineffective as a feminine hygiene dispenser in the men’s bathroom. (more…)
Topic: ‘For the Executive’
Eye of the Tiger
February 19th, 2010 by Kathi the wingspouse
Once again, another high profile man stands in front of cameras to apologize for his infidelity. As the country listens to Tiger Woods admit he once “thought that normal rules didn’t apply to me,” how many others still subscribe to this flawed philosophy? Probably many. It seems to be one of the potential dangers of success. What is most telling, though, is that as Tiger assumed all responsibility for his actions, media quietly speculated about his wife. Why isn’t she in the audience? Will she forgive him? Would her appearance have helped or hurt his perception? Even after separation, the actions of his “other half” have the power to sway peoples’ impressions and alter media’s reporting. (more…)
Another kitchen tour? Wait. Let me get my apron.
February 16th, 2010 by Kathi the wingspouse
Am I the only one who is insulted by companies and organizations assuming wives are only interested in attending cooking classes or kitchen tours while husbands are attending some professional gathering? Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate that they are providing an alternative to spending the day in a hotel room, but couldn’t they consider that wives might want something a little more challenging once in a while?
One of my google alerts brought up a site that was offering spouses a chef’s demonstration on how to prepare pork. I was insulted all over again. Then I clicked a few more times to see what AASV stood for – American Association of Swine Veterinarians. Okay. That one made sense… a lot of sense, actually.
I must admit, I enjoy the occasional kitchen skills class, and I still make the tiramisu I learned how to make at an ACPE convention. I just think some educational classes on philanthropy, fundraising, speaking, or social media would be equally as appealing. Maybe even a wingspouse class or two (hint, hint)? Don’t they realize how insulting they appear sometimes?
Work Life Balance – When Your Spouse Doesn’t Get It
January 28th, 2010 by Kathi the wingspouse
The topic of balancing work and family seems to be coming up more regularly in social media. That alone isn’t really surprising, but what is unexpected is that many of the discussions are being initiated by professionals – not just by working women, but by men, too. It seems that both men and women are on the same page when it comes to preserving family time on the way up the ladder. Especially men are asking “how do I know when I am giving my family enough of my time?” This begs the question – Are spouses not answering this question?
As a spouse, you own some of the responsibility to communicate how work and family are coexisting. Whether you’re happy or frustrated, your partner deserves feedback. Keep in mind that your partner likely receives yearly reviews to gauge how work is going. Why wouldn’t you both give each other the same courtesy at home? (more…)
Generational Gaps in the Workplace According to SAHM
January 27th, 2010 by Kathi the wingspouse
What can a spouse possibly offer that will make any difference in an executive’s career? This is a question I’ve received from some people who don’t believe spouses have anything to offer an executive mate. I have decided to answer this challenge by sharing one example of how I have developed valuable wisdom – simply because of my role as a mother and my ability to apply my experience to the business world. Perhaps this will inspire some other spouses to reconsider how valuable their input could be. (more…)
How To Ace A Job Interview
January 11th, 2010 by Kathi the wingspouse
original article (exerpt below) posted by Cejka Search, Inc.
Effective interviewing for a job is anything but a passive process. On the contrary, because your prospective employer probably wasn’t trained in interviewing, the onus may be on you to manage both sides of the process. On one hand, you must elicit the information you need to decide whether you want the job. On the other, you must provide the information the prospective employer needs to make a hiring decision. That requires planning and forethought… (click here to read entire Cejka article…)
I wanted to share this article because there are many good tips on how to properly interview for an executive position. I was especially pleased that Cejka recognized the important a spouse plays in the interview process. Here is an exerpt:
Bring your spouse. The prospective employer should pay for your spouse to come along. If it doesn’t, be leery: A major reason newly hired physicians ultimately don’t work out is that their spouses were dissatisfied.
Because employers recognize that moving to another part of the country is a joint decision, they may ask your spouse to be present at some of the interviews. Your spouse should avoid taking charge and becoming an overly aggressive advocate. In one joint interview, the spouse talked too much, dominating the conversation and making the candidate seem meek and indecisive by comparison. The job went to someone else. Let common sense be your guide.
If anyone would know what goes into a good executive job interview, Cejka would! Not only can the spouse make or break the interview, but even after the enterview process is complete, a spouse can make mor break a relocation. That’s why it’s important that both the executive AND the spouse are on the same page with what job qualities are important, and which ones are deal-breakers.
Did I Say That
November 25th, 2009 by Kathi the wingspouse
Years ago, I had the pleasure to live in a wonderful small city where the people were unbelievably generous and the cultural opportunities were impressive. There was a lot of old money in this town, but it was quietly poured back into the museums, symphony, parks, and biking trails that benefited us all. When I got involved with several fundraising campaigns, I was told to watch what I said because everyone was related to SOMEBODY. It was good advice, and it made me realize how frequently we say things without a thought of the impact it might have. Thoughtless comments have the potential to get back to someone who may become offended, and may also have negative consequences to you or your spouse. Here’s an example.
The other day, I was searching the internet for some information when I stumbled onto a blog talking about the issues of being a corporate wife. She had a misconception that being married to an executive meant having social commitments imposed, a dress code enforced, and mandatory party attendance required. As I read the post, I got the impression she was facing the possibility of living the corporate wife life and I wanted her to know how wonderful it can be. I commented, explaining that a corporate wife doesn’t live a life of servitude. She makes choices. I wrote that choosing to stay home to raise children or supporting a husband in his career was an investment in the future, no different than investing in a career by taking classes or attending company events. Both have benefits and rewards. I suggested she check out my blog, and I clicked SUBMIT.
Later that day, I received the following email:
Are you for real?? You need to step back into the 1950’s where you belong. Your philosophy steps women back so far. Is your spouse such a control freak to you and your children that this is your role in life?? Put on your apron June Cleaver. Or is it wrap yourself nude in cellophane and meet your man at the door. Unbelievable.
I didn’t expect that. Not only had she not approved my comment, but she attacked me for my good intentions. As I stared at the email, I noticed she had signed her full name, and provided a phone number. Oddly, that name looked familiar. The phone number she provided was out of Chicago, but the connection I remembered was from the Cincinnati/Dayton area. The company she worked for was listed below in a legal statement, and it was a company in the medical field. Could it be a coincident?
I was curious now, so I googled her name and the company. A linkedin profile matched, listing Cincinnati as her location. Did she know I was from that area? Did she have any idea my husband had worked in a neighboring hospital? I’m sure the thought never crossed her mind. Not only had she insulted me, but she was a less than desirable spokesperson for her employer.
Have you ever had a “six degrees of separation” experience?
Related Topic:
Managing Your Spouse 101
Modern Healthcare Conducting IT Survey
November 25th, 2009 by Kathi the wingspouse
Modern Healthcare is conducting a survey of Executive Opinions on Key Information Technology Issues. If you area a physician executive and would like to participate, contact Rebecca Mielcarski, special projects/research editor, at rmielcarski@modernhealthcare.com and request access to the form… and tell her I sent you.
NOTE: Survey responses are due by January 15, 2010.
Dying to Make Your Marriage Work
November 10th, 2009 by Kathi the wingspouse
by Kathi Browne
When Mark and I were talking about marriage, Mark explained that he was investing a lot into his career and I needed to understand up-front that it took first priority. I was young and proud, and quickly agreed with no idea what I was getting into. I, in turn, warned him that he better be able to handle me or I would walk all over him. He laughed and naively sealed the deal, not realizing what a ride he would have! We laugh about this “contract” now because we both know how wrong it was to put those things above our marriage. I did survive medical school, residency, private practice, and a series of masters programs, but only because I was too stubborn to break a promise. Mark learned to say, “you’re right, dear” and do what he wanted anyway. Thank goodness we both recognized the hole we were digging for ourselves before it was too late.
Does our misguided approach to marriage strike a cord with you? How would you prioritize the following: Work, Marriage, Family, Money, Health? Many executives proudly place work (and maybe family) above marriage, health and money. After all, if they have a great career and a beautiful family, then the spouse will understand, and money and good benefits will follow. Right? Not so fast. A great career will likely result in more money and great benefits, but a career won’t buy happiness or health. In fact, placing career first is one of the major causes of divorce and stress-related health issues among executives.
Let’s play out the two scenarios and examine them.
- If career and family were placed first but the marriage didn’t survive, would the career still be there? Even when the stress of divorce affected you physically, and distracted you emotionally, would the career survive? And even when you were fighting over alimony and child support, and splitting the house, would your career still survive?
Few organizations would put up with distractions, absence, poor attitude, and “baggage.” A failed marriage could quite possibly negatively impact your career and health. - If marriage were placed first in priorities, and the career fell apart, would the spouse still be there in support? Even when the stress of a career began to show, would the spouse still be there to help?
Clearly, when marraige is given priority over everything else, the spouse becomes the stability that positively affects everything else.
So why do some people wait until it’s too late to shift their priorities? What are YOU waiting for… a near death experience? That’s what it took for Richard Hamon, a licensed therapist who rediscovered his marriage while lying in a hospital bed. “I can tell you this with absolute certainty: How fortunate we are to have a life partner who loves us!” he shared, “Relationships constitute our true riches.” This hindsight has been echoed by several professionals I have encountered since I started my wingspouse company. During one of my wingspouse interviews, I spoke with Lee Matheson, and learned how he felt incredible love for his wife after his survived a near death experience with her by his side. Both of these men express how grateful they are to have recognized the love they had (and still have) in their lives.
This yearend as you’re preparing next year’s budget and planning the new year’s strategies, don’t forget to inventory your own life. Make sure you aren’t one of those executives who has to be dying to realize what he is about to lose.
