If you read Leadership: Core Values More Important Than Skills then you already know how important virtues are to someone in a leadership position. But can character flaws really be corrected? Changing someone’s character may seem impossible, but the conscious decision to correct a character flaw means change is already taking place! Add a supportive spouse to the equation and success is even more certain. So what are you waiting for? (more…)
Topic: ‘Career Tips for Wingspouses’
Part 1: Recognizing Your Partner’s Barriers Toward Integrity
March 11th, 2010 by Kathi the wingspouse
Core Values Most Important in Executive Career
March 9th, 2010 by Kathi the wingspouse
Most executives fail because of their character flaws, not their lack of talent. Leaders can possess impressive skills, but if they offend the people around them, they’re as ineffective as a feminine hygiene dispenser in the men’s bathroom. (more…)
Confessions of a Corporate Wife in Training
February 22nd, 2010 by Kathi the wingspouse
A wise woman once told me to look the part, even if it’s not true. Such philosophy went against my grain, but later I realized what she meant. There is an expectation to look and act successful, and some positions even require it. Public appearances, networking, and supporting local charities are sometimes part of the job. Formal events and other functions can cost more than you can afford though, but they don’t have to. Let me share a few of my secrets that got me by early on. (more…)
Eye of the Tiger
February 19th, 2010 by Kathi the wingspouse
Once again, another high profile man stands in front of cameras to apologize for his infidelity. As the country listens to Tiger Woods admit he once “thought that normal rules didn’t apply to me,” how many others still subscribe to this flawed philosophy? Probably many. It seems to be one of the potential dangers of success. What is most telling, though, is that as Tiger assumed all responsibility for his actions, media quietly speculated about his wife. Why isn’t she in the audience? Will she forgive him? Would her appearance have helped or hurt his perception? Even after separation, the actions of his “other half” have the power to sway peoples’ impressions and alter media’s reporting. (more…)
Sizing Up Your Spouse’s Job Opportunity
February 11th, 2010 by Kathi the wingspouse
Changing jobs is a big deal for the whole family! When someone is high up in the executive food chain, a job change usually requires moving. That means several months of schedule adjustment, changing schools, making new friends, unpacking, redecorating… With all that is at risk, you want to be sure you and your spouse are making a good decision. Only your spouse can decide if the job is a good one, but both of you can evaluate other important factors that ultimately determine if the opportunity is a good fit. Two sets of eyes are better than one. Most executives become somewhat blinded by the fact that they were invited to interview, so have your partner’s back and examine the opportunity objectively. (more…)
Purpose-Driven DRAMA: Keys to Handling Stress While Pursuing Your Purpose and Passion
February 3rd, 2010 by Val Daye
“Drama” has become a common term to describe stressful experiences, conflicts, and distractions that can paralyze our progress and sabotage our families. Far too often we embrace stressful experiences as “larger than life itself.” Instead of acting in a purely rational, diplomatic and loving manner, we resort to explosive tyrants, monthly meltdowns, or vows of silence as the “emotion of choice” and best solution (next to applying physical harm) at any given moment. I actually find the monthly meltdown quite refreshing, and it scares the heck out of my family who is convinced that I have “lost it” for real, every time. Nevertheless, as a Certified Life Coach I have come to realize that there are in fact better ways to handle and even leverage the added stress around me.
Research proves that when we carve out time (in spite of our crazy lives) to focus on our purpose and passion, the drama that surrounds us has less power. The truth is that no one is exempt from the drama of life. Individuals change over time, relationships change over time, families change over time, and careers change over time, making it very difficult (especially during seasons of transition) not to become totally absorbed in the stressful circumstances around us. (more…)
Work Life Balance – When Your Spouse Doesn’t Get It
January 28th, 2010 by Kathi the wingspouse
The topic of balancing work and family seems to be coming up more regularly in social media. That alone isn’t really surprising, but what is unexpected is that many of the discussions are being initiated by professionals – not just by working women, but by men, too. It seems that both men and women are on the same page when it comes to preserving family time on the way up the ladder. Especially men are asking “how do I know when I am giving my family enough of my time?” This begs the question – Are spouses not answering this question?
As a spouse, you own some of the responsibility to communicate how work and family are coexisting. Whether you’re happy or frustrated, your partner deserves feedback. Keep in mind that your partner likely receives yearly reviews to gauge how work is going. Why wouldn’t you both give each other the same courtesy at home? (more…)
Go with Your Gut – Advice from an Executive Spouse
January 13th, 2010 by Lynn the wingspouse
| Lynn is a seasoned wingspouse who decided to share an experience that taught her a valuable lesson. She hopes her insight is helpful to others. Thank you, Lynn. (not her real name) |
Years ago, my husband was interviewing for a position that would be the next “rung” on the career ladder for him. He was very happy in his current position but of course was interested in advancing his career, so he started on this process of interviewing with this new employer.
When I was invited to meet the CEO and the CEO’s spouse at a dinner, we knew that this was an important step and that basically I was being interviewed, too. During this dinner I really got the feeling that this would not be a good fit for any of us, especially for our family. I talked to my husband about my concerns (that this job would be expected to come before his family) and how I felt intuitively (that this CEO would be demanding and not family-friendly), but he wanted to advance his career to the next level and he decided to take the job. I buried my concerns and observations because I didn’t want him to blame me if he passed it up and didn’t get another opportunity to advance his career right away. (more…)
How To Ace A Job Interview
January 11th, 2010 by Kathi the wingspouse
original article (exerpt below) posted by Cejka Search, Inc.
Effective interviewing for a job is anything but a passive process. On the contrary, because your prospective employer probably wasn’t trained in interviewing, the onus may be on you to manage both sides of the process. On one hand, you must elicit the information you need to decide whether you want the job. On the other, you must provide the information the prospective employer needs to make a hiring decision. That requires planning and forethought… (click here to read entire Cejka article…)
I wanted to share this article because there are many good tips on how to properly interview for an executive position. I was especially pleased that Cejka recognized the important a spouse plays in the interview process. Here is an exerpt:
Bring your spouse. The prospective employer should pay for your spouse to come along. If it doesn’t, be leery: A major reason newly hired physicians ultimately don’t work out is that their spouses were dissatisfied.
Because employers recognize that moving to another part of the country is a joint decision, they may ask your spouse to be present at some of the interviews. Your spouse should avoid taking charge and becoming an overly aggressive advocate. In one joint interview, the spouse talked too much, dominating the conversation and making the candidate seem meek and indecisive by comparison. The job went to someone else. Let common sense be your guide.
If anyone would know what goes into a good executive job interview, Cejka would! Not only can the spouse make or break the interview, but even after the enterview process is complete, a spouse can make mor break a relocation. That’s why it’s important that both the executive AND the spouse are on the same page with what job qualities are important, and which ones are deal-breakers.
Making Your Home Sweet Home
December 24th, 2009 by Kathi the wingspouse
Moving again? It’s always tough to get settled and feel like you’re “home.” Another wingspouse shared her secret to making her husband feel settled sooner. She hangs the same plaque in the front entrance of every home they move to. Dori packs this little treasure where she can find it quickly, and then hangs it as soon as the moving crew leaves. Her husband associates “home” with this wall decoration and looks for it when he comes in the door.
After Dori shared her secret with me, i started to reflect back on our moves. We also had a consistent item that existed in every home we lived in… I just hadn’t realized the significance. We built our first home while Mark was still in practice. We thought it was going to be the home where we would stay, raise children, and eventually retire. We poured our hearts (and money) into the design of this home and finished it off with a beautiful dwarf japanese maple in the front landscaping. Three years later, we were packing up to accept a full-time VPMA position elsewhere. The home we chose also had a japanese maple in the front yard, and we joked that it was a sign we were meant to live there. This pattern continued until our last move, when Mark became a full-time consultant. Our new home didn’t have a japanese maple in the front yard, so… we put one in. Coincidence? I don’t think so. A Japanese maple tree is our “plaque.”
My friend recognized that a simple consistency, a familiar item on the wall or in the front yard, can be comfort food to the soul. What is your family’s symbol of “home?” What have you done to take advantage of it’s comforting effects?
