I frequently take dinner to my son who works at the mall. It’s hard for him to grab something without being late to work. Well, this week I was heading toward the mall exit when I passed one of those booths displaying colorful henna tattoos and brow shaping photos. I had previously watched an Indian woman rolling some kind of hread over another women’s faces, but I didn’t want to stare. This day, however, the booth was unmanned and I could look more closely at the pictures and signs. I wanted to know if the signs were claiming that this thread technique would iron out wrinkles, or what? I stopped to look. Read the rest of this entry »
Purpose-Driven DRAMA: Keys to Handling Stress While Pursuing Your Purpose and Passion
February 3rd, 2010 by Val Daye
“Drama” has become a common term to describe stressful experiences, conflicts, and distractions that can paralyze our progress and sabotage our families. Far too often we embrace stressful experiences as “larger than life itself.” Instead of acting in a purely rational, diplomatic and loving manner, we resort to explosive tyrants, monthly meltdowns, or vows of silence as the “emotion of choice” and best solution (next to applying physical harm) at any given moment. I actually find the monthly meltdown quite refreshing, and it scares the heck out of my family who is convinced that I have “lost it” for real, every time. Nevertheless, as a Certified Life Coach I have come to realize that there are in fact better ways to handle and even leverage the added stress around me.
Research proves that when we carve out time (in spite of our crazy lives) to focus on our purpose and passion, the drama that surrounds us has less power. The truth is that no one is exempt from the drama of life. Individuals change over time, relationships change over time, families change over time, and careers change over time, making it very difficult (especially during seasons of transition) not to become totally absorbed in the stressful circumstances around us. Read the rest of this entry »
Money Won’t Buy You Love Even On Valentine’s Day
February 1st, 2010 by Kathi the Wingspouse
Your spouse may know they’re appreciated at work, but when was the last time you complimented them as a husband or wife? That’s what Valentine’s Day is all about… showing your spouse they’re special to you. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to break the bank, either. After all, you can’t put a price on love. You have to give it freely. Read the rest of this entry »
Work Life Balance – When Your Spouse Doesn’t Get It
January 28th, 2010 by Kathi the wingspouse
The topic of balancing work and family seems to be coming up more regularly in social media. That alone isn’t really surprising, but what is unexpected is that many of the discussions are being initiated by professionals – not just by working women, but by men, too. It seems that both men and women are on the same page when it comes to preserving family time on the way up the ladder. Especially men are asking “how do I know when I am giving my family enough of my time?” This begs the question – Are spouses not answering this question?
As a spouse, you own some of the responsibility to communicate how work and family are coexisting. Whether you’re happy or frustrated, your partner deserves feedback. Keep in mind that your partner likely receives yearly reviews to gauge how work is going. Why wouldn’t you both give each other the same courtesy at home? Read the rest of this entry »
Generational Gaps in the Workplace According to SAHM
January 27th, 2010 by Kathi the wingspouse
What can a spouse possibly offer that will make any difference in an executive’s career? This is a question I’ve received from some people who don’t believe spouses have anything to offer an executive mate. I have decided to answer this challenge by sharing one example of how I have developed valuable wisdom – simply because of my role as a mother and my ability to apply my experience to the business world. Perhaps this will inspire some other spouses to reconsider how valuable their input could be. Read the rest of this entry »
Rest In Peace, Edgar Allan Poe
January 20th, 2010 by Kathi the wingspouse
I have loved to write since I was very young. Even in grade school, I enjoyed writing stories that left people thinking the unbelievable was a bit more believable. Through words, I was sharing my own fascination of the unknown and challenging others to look outside of the familiar. I admired Edgar Allan Poe in that way.
Even Poe’s death was a mystery. On October 7, 1849, he was found roaming the streets of Baltimore, incoherent and delirious. He was never able to explain how he ended up that way. He died without an explanation. Some suggest his own dark tales came back to haunt him. Others say they were in his head all along and that his inner struggle cost him his life. We will never know, but he was buried behind a small church. Read the rest of this entry »
Count your Blessings and Share Them
January 19th, 2010 by Kathi the wingspouse
I received a really touching tweet today, thanking me for “being a blessing” in someone’s life. I have no idea what I did to deserve the thank-you, but I’m lucky to know that I made a difference. I think most people hope they impact others in a memorable way – but rarely do they know for sure. I just got lucky. Read the rest of this entry »
Go with Your Gut – Advice from an Executive Spouse
January 13th, 2010 by Lynn the wingspouse
| Lynn is a seasoned wingspouse who decided to share an experience that taught her a valuable lesson. She hopes her insight is helpful to others. Thank you, Lynn. (not her real name) |
Years ago, my husband was interviewing for a position that would be the next “rung” on the career ladder for him. He was very happy in his current position but of course was interested in advancing his career, so he started on this process of interviewing with this new employer.
When I was invited to meet the CEO and the CEO’s spouse at a dinner, we knew that this was an important step and that basically I was being interviewed, too. During this dinner I really got the feeling that this would not be a good fit for any of us, especially for our family. I talked to my husband about my concerns (that this job would be expected to come before his family) and how I felt intuitively (that this CEO would be demanding and not family-friendly), but he wanted to advance his career to the next level and he decided to take the job. I buried my concerns and observations because I didn’t want him to blame me if he passed it up and didn’t get another opportunity to advance his career right away. Read the rest of this entry »
How To Ace A Job Interview
January 11th, 2010 by Kathi the wingspouse
original article (exerpt below) posted by Cejka Search, Inc.
Effective interviewing for a job is anything but a passive process. On the contrary, because your prospective employer probably wasn’t trained in interviewing, the onus may be on you to manage both sides of the process. On one hand, you must elicit the information you need to decide whether you want the job. On the other, you must provide the information the prospective employer needs to make a hiring decision. That requires planning and forethought… (click here to read entire Cejka article…)
I wanted to share this article because there are many good tips on how to properly interview for an executive position. I was especially pleased that Cejka recognized the important a spouse plays in the interview process. Here is an exerpt:
Bring your spouse. The prospective employer should pay for your spouse to come along. If it doesn’t, be leery: A major reason newly hired physicians ultimately don’t work out is that their spouses were dissatisfied.
Because employers recognize that moving to another part of the country is a joint decision, they may ask your spouse to be present at some of the interviews. Your spouse should avoid taking charge and becoming an overly aggressive advocate. In one joint interview, the spouse talked too much, dominating the conversation and making the candidate seem meek and indecisive by comparison. The job went to someone else. Let common sense be your guide.
If anyone would know what goes into a good executive job interview, Cejka would! Not only can the spouse make or break the interview, but even after the enterview process is complete, a spouse can make mor break a relocation. That’s why it’s important that both the executive AND the spouse are on the same page with what job qualities are important, and which ones are deal-breakers.
The Blind Side Seen from Both Sides of Track
January 6th, 2010 by Kathi the wingspouse
My son asked me on a date. That may seem like a silly thing to get all excited about if you don’t have teenage boys, but it IS a big deal. Adam will be leaving for college next spring and this “leaving the nest” process is a painful one packed with constant conflict. So when he asked me to go see The Blind Side with him, I was touched.
I usually detest going to the movies. I can’t sit still that long, and I’m terrible at recognizing faces so I frequently get lost in who’s doing what. This movie (based on a true story) was easy to follow, though. It was inspiring, too. Watching Michael Oher (played by Quinton Aaron) explore all the possibilities put before him despite his current situation, was moving. For the first time, I enjoyed watching football. I’ll bet this movie inspires a lot of disadvantaged children to find their best attribute and work hard to make something of it. Michael certainly did. At the end of the movie, a clip of the real Michael Oher was shown… now I may have to start cheering for the Ravens now.
Michael was inspiring, but his mother, Leigh Anne (played by Sandra Bullock), deserves a mention too. I don’t know if the real Leigh Anne was so persistent, but I liked her character! Leigh saw what needed to be done and got down to business. Her school and community involvement came in handy, too. Wonder if she would consider herself a wingspouse??? The movie started bringing back memories… and a few regrets.
Years ago when Mark and I were just starting out, we signed up for a program to take in unwed pregnant women. We were never assigned anyone (probably because we had little ones at home). A couple of years later, we entertained taking in a homeless family to get them on their feet, but were talked out of it by an IHN volunteer. I wonder how different that family would have been. One more missed opportunity…
Do you think it’s crazy to invite an unfamiliar person into your home when you have children at home? How does a person weigh their own childrens’ safety against a stranger’s need? This is always a struggle for me. Can the eyes tell who’s hiding behind them? When I think about my own son considering taking in a stranger, the mother in me knows I would not be so supportive. Is this just a problem that repeats itself?
P.S. There is a great interview with the real Leigh Anne. Check it out.
