Others can tell when a spouse is truly happy. There’s a certain look of contentment that can’t be faked, and a flirtatious smile that exchanges between the executive and the spouse, even in public. It’s easy to gravitate to a spouse who seems to have life figured out. The desire to have some of it rub off is overwhelming. So what is the secret? I conducted my own unofficial survey, reading other executive spouse blogs and talking with people directly. Here are the secrets I found to be most common… in order of importance.
“My spouse is my best friend,” was a comment nearly every time. Happy couples invest time not only in loving each other, but liking each other, too. They treat each other as friends first, and lovers second. Now this may sound like an easy accomplishment, but if you’re not already there it takes some work. First step in becoming best friends is to always assume the best of each other. When something doesn’t go in your favor, assume there’s a good reason or your spouse would have acted differently.
Date nights are as sacred as a board meeting. Happy couples know the importance of courting each other long after the wedding ceremony. They protect their time together as an important piece of success. Romantic acts are an important part of saying “I still love you” so don’t give them the same priority as mowing the lawn. Otherwise, your partner may not be there when you finally find the time.
Mutual goals help couples make decisions together. When a couple agrees on dreams and priorities, decisions come easier. Couples who made seemly difficult decisions with little regret often shared with clarity the motivation behind those hard choice. Whether an executive walked away from a successful position or a spouse prepared for residency in a foreign country, happy couples were unified in the reasons for those choices. If you and your spouse haven’t set parameters for what drives your decisions, don’t wait any longer. When you both agree on what is most important, you will be able to make hard decisions easily. If retiring early is important so you can spend more time with grandkids, then moving to Japan where there is an attractive retirement package will be easier to consider. If staying close to ailing parents is a goal, then passing on the job promotion that requires relocation is not a hard decision. Whatever decision you are faced with, face it head on together.
Too many executive couples dissolve before they reach the peak of marital success, simply because they fail to maintain relationships and don’t have a clear vision statement. If marriages were corporations… well, you know how that would end.
